I love you, Jesus, because I will never understand how much you loved me, first.
From the moment,
I attend my first Sunday school class as a child, I learn Jesus loves me, proof
in the words of the familiar song:
Jesus loves me
this I know
For the Bible
tells me so
Little ones to
him belong
They are weak,
but he is strong
Yes, Jesus
loves me
Oh, yes Jesus
loves me
Yes, Jesus
loves me for the Bible tells me so
And so, I
accept that Jesus loves me. And I agree without a second thought, that I love
Jesus, too. But how often do I ask myself whyI love Jesus? I find it uncomfortable. Not in a religious obligation way, nor
because I learned to, but in a personal way. Why do you, Suzanne Elizabeth Anderson, love me?
Dear Jesus,
Is it because
when you feed five thousand, you teach me that service and kindness multiply as
we give them away? Maybe I love you, Jesus because you give me a message of
love when I feel poor, sick, and discarded.
You never
ridicule my suffering or shortcomings. You hold my face in your hands, look me
in the eye, and tell me I can begin again. Maybe it is because you are the
giver of second chances.
At the Last
Supper, you predict Peter will deny you three times. Peter, your most loyal
disciple, replies this is impossible.
Still, Peter does deny you three times before dawn. After your
resurrection, you not only forgive Peter, you redeem him.
Then, Jesus,
you ask Peter three times if he loves you still, and after each question, Peter
replies, ‘you know I love you.’ And then Jesus, you command him, ‘go and feed
my sheep,’ taking Peter’s brokenness and using it to build your church.
I love you,
Jesus, because you sacrifice your life for my sins even though you know I will
deny you and turn away. I am Peter. Redeemed when my love for you falls
short.
I love you,
Jesus, because you love me when I cannot love myself. You run toward me on a
dusty road, with arms wide open when I return as the prodigal daughter covered
in filth and the weight of unspeakable things I have done to be loved. Jesus,
you cover me with magnificent tapestry robes and hold a feast as if I return
with honor when in fact I come back with nothing more than failure and shame. I
love you, Jesus, because your infinite patience never shows me how far I must
go, only how far I have come. Daily, you encourage me to become the woman you
created me to be.
Because when I
don’t know myself, Jesus, you promise me that you knew me and loved me, ‘before
I was knit together in my mother’s womb.’ Because when I only see my ugliness,
you tell me I am ‘fearfully and wonderfully made.’
I love you,
Jesus, because when I say, 'I cannot', you only ask that I say, 'yes'. And thenyou show me that “nothing is impossible with God.”
I love you,
Jesus, because you became human so you could tell me you remember how it feels
when tears burn my exhausted eyes or become the overflow of my joy in you.
When I consider
how little I comprehend, I love you, Jesus, because I will gladly spend the
rest of my life sitting at your feet, knowing that if I study forever, I will
only scratch the surface of your depthless mystery.
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