25 March

This is my dream house. It's located in Incline Village, on Apollo Way. Below is a picture of the beautiful views from the house. Here's a link if you'd like to see more pictures. Unfortunately, this house is currently out of my price range, although it has recently been reduced by $300K and the website says, "bring all offers"....although I'm not sure my offer would be accepted.

It is however nice to dream. Today has been one of those days when dreams are the better alternative to tears of disappointment.

Yes, it has been one of those days....I checked in at Amazon's website to see if my novel had made the first round of cuts in the Break Through Novel Contest. It did not. Later in the day, I received an email from Nikki Hardin of Skirt! informing me that she was unfortunately going to have to turn down my second submission to her magazine. I haven't decided yet which will be my third submission. During my lunch hour, I went to a local boutique to try on a dress for an upcoming wedding I have to attend, when I couldn't find anything I liked, the sales woman suggested I might have to start walking more....I believe she was suggesting I step up my exercise routine.

Back at my office, staring at the computer screen and realizing I didn't know what step to take next in the elusive house search I decided it might be better to leave for the day rather than burst into tears in front of one of the partners. So I've come to my neighborhood library which thankfully is open until 8pm tonight. I've now spent the last six hours in front of my laptop searching real estate websites, job boards, and wondering why some people make success look so darn easy (I'm referring to the profile in this month's More (about women who made it big after 40) and whether I will ever be able to a) make another wise decision in my life about where I should move and what I should do once I get there, and b) ever experience a modicum of success and satisfaction akin to what I experienced as a swimmer in high school in the job front, or whether I am simply destined to a life of failure and downward sloping expectations. Of course when it does get this bad I start berating myself for feeling this depressed, surely this confirms that I am indeed a failure, because someone who was destined for success would never have such fatalistic thoughts.

But you see this house? I'm afraid it's like an affirmation that my dreams are too big, I want too much. I should be the girl who can settle for less, a little condo in the corner, a little job at the library perhaps? Those big dreams I had before? Maybe those are for other people, the ones who try something and 'voila!' it works out. On days like this, I am afraid that my dreams will never come true, that I have asked too much of the universe, that I used up my portion of magic years ago...

On a more productive note: I contacted the rental agent in Incline Village and received a list of rentals that would be 'pet friendly' since I will be bringing my two yorkies. I've also inquired about a short sale condo that is so inexpensive it might make sense to buy it in lieu of renting. On the other hand, I also spent the day looking at property in Montana.

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LarramieG said…
You want too much? Oh please... For starters who wouldn't want THAT house?! :)

Keep dreaming BIG and remember that tomorrow is another day!
JCK said…
I'm sorry you've been having a rough time. Hold onto your dreams. They keep us going.

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